March 14th Isn't Just Another Day

March 14th; Why it Matters

March 14^th isn’t just another day for me.  Many people have anniversaries and birthdays worth remembering or celebrating. March 14^th is a day I allow myself to feel sorry for myself.  But, as I have learned over the years, it is often the build up to that day that causes more anxiety, sadness or upset than the day itself.  Allowing myself time to be angry, depressed, or sad - with a limit, has been helpful to me.  I encourage other people to do that too instead of feeling guilty, for being sad or angry. 

Fighting our sadness or anger can cause buildup and resentment.  Allowing it to happen, without guilt or shame can be healthy and then thinking about being finished with negative feelings can bring us back to our old selves and be “done” and move on.

March 14^th is one of those days for me that I always regret coming around.  It was many, many years ago, but the words said, and almost every movement I made is implanted in my brain.  This is believed to be because of the adrenaline that happens with sudden emotions.  

I was escorted into a room by the emergency room staff and behind closed doors I sat for what felt like hours.  Each time the doctor would come in and tell me they are working on him; I would suggest she leave and go back to caring for my son.  It didn’t occur to me that there was a team caring for him and she was the one sent to keep me updated.  Until finally, she came back and said there was “nothing else we could do”.  My son was dead.  It took a while to sink in and though I remember the gasps I heard from the people I love with me; it took me a long time to cry.  I had to see him, decide to donate what organs could be saved, and plan for – what now – there was no one to tell me what to do. 

As the days and months moved on, I had to figure out how a little boy, who had chronic ear infections, would get his tonsils removed and bleed for 8 days – bleed to death, and a body filled with infection went ignored by all the doctors I saw during that week.  Each of the 5 times in the week leading up to his death, I was in a different emergency room, everyone said he was fine. 

I sat numb in the weeks that followed his death thinking that I was right, and all those doctors were wrong.  To prove I was right, it cost my son his life.  I wondered why, in all the months that followed, no one asked me what went wrong.  What did they miss?  Would anyone learn?

If Michael survived because of what I know now, and I spoke up louder, insisted more that something was wrong, insisted that they bring him back to surgery and any one of the 5 doctors I took him to in that week saved him, there would be nothing to learn.  It would be how it’s supposed to be.  He would get better, and we would all go on with our lives.  We do not count the people who survive or prevent medical errors by speaking up.  Only the dead are counted and that often doesn’t work either.  Medical mistake was not on his death certificate.

As the years moved on, I committed myself to encouraging people to speak up for themselves or their loved ones. I began attending medical conferences in 1999 so I could hear the medical professionals talk to each other about safe patient care, medical errors, and injuries, caused by their mistakes or systems that failed them and us, the patient, and families. 

I will never forget the phone call of a woman who said her child was going in for a tonsillectomy.  She was nervous but wanted to ask me what she should know before taking her child for surgery.  Would I mind giving her advice.  It was when I realized that we could save lives by talking to each. What we, the people who live these tragedies can be doing.

When families experience an injury or a death caused by the healthcare system, it is hard to “blame” because we often don’t have the facts and there is no report written up as there is in a car accident.  Medical care is often as complex as driving with no driver training.  We must completely count on the expertise of the others on the road. 

Over the years I like to think of my activism turned advocate as a good thing.  I would like to think that in the 25 years with a nonprofit organization Pulse Center for Patient Safety Education & Advocacy based on educating the public, encourage the sharing of information and helping people learn to advocate for themselves and their loved ones, we are in a way the driver’s education we all know, and respect meant to help, support, and save lives. 

This week, the second week of March is Patient Safety Awareness Week on its 20^th year - The IHI knows of the importance and many hospitals celebrate patient safety as well as healthcare quality organizations such as The Joint Commission.  Some even use this time to honor those lives lost, but still., you won’t find it on any calendar of awareness though I have tried for years to get it recognized. Awareness Months, Appreciation Weeks, National Days for Marketing | Crestline

So as March 14^th comes and goes quietly for me, I can only hope that someone will speak up, speak out and another life will be saved.