Listening to Her Words
When I answered the phone I
could hear the panic and desperation in the woman’s voice. I have met her at programs PULSE has hosted
and knew that she is highly educated and by my standards very bright. What could she possibly be so frantic about?
Her husband was hospitalized
and coming home needing home care services.
Now she needs surgery and will be off her foot for a few weeks. How will she care for her elderly
husband? Her concerns were reasonable
but who can she share this panic with that she felt was unreasonable?
This woman, who has always
been in control was feeling out of control.
A very reasonable feeling when already scared for her husband and now
herself. She didn’t want to hear the
words “don’t worry” which is the reaction of most people. She didn’t know it, I did, that she wanted to
know how to get back in control. That’s what
we did. I was surprised to learn she
already had a home care agency picked out to help around the house for herself
and her husband. So what was I there
for?
By allowing her to talk,
prompting her with questions, I learned the representative of the home care
agency was coming to visit. By
listening, I learned she was not prepared for that interview. Together we thought of questions and what
her, and her husband’s needs might be.
Interviewing the people from the home care agency as well as having a
stranger in her home caring for her husband what was causing anxiety. Helping her control this situation, unrelated
to her surgery or her husband’s illness is what helped her through.
We can’t assume that we know
what is upsetting someone. Believing it
was her concern about surgery or her sick husband would have wasted valuable
time and would have steered her into a direction she didn’t need to go.
With her list of questions
ready for the person from the home care agency, and her requests for how they
should behave in her home, she now felt better and back in control.
